Somebody Stole My Car Radio And Now I Sit In Silence
by FollowTheReaper01
Summary: Barry can't run forever. (Tag And Spoilers for 2x16 and 2x17)
**_Somebody Stole My_** ** _Car_** ** _Radio And Now I Sit In Silence_**

 _Summary: Barry can't run forever (Tag and Spoiler for 2x16 and 2x17)_

* * *

Barry couldn't recognize himself like this.

Fingers tore through his hair in frustration.

So much had changed.

He began to pace.

At STAR Labs, as The Flash- _with everything_.

Electricity crackled in the tense, confined space.

 _People died._

He almost screamed.

People who deserved _so much_ more than he did.

Barry stared at the Speed Equation his eyes flickering faster than reason or doubt could catch up with.

 _He_ had _to get faster._

 _Twenty-One Pilots_ played loudly, reaching his ears a few hours too late.

Barry's mind was trapped.

The yellow capped marker protested against being used at inhuman speeds.

Trapped back in time where the identity of his mother's killer was still a mystery.

 _When he still smiled._

Barry wiped the board, starting over again.

Wells (Thawne) wasn't stupid.

He knew when he was being played.

He knew when Barry found out he was The Reverse Flash.

 _He watched everyone_.

He could tell when there was a time traveler in his midst.

' _ **Stupid, stupid,'**_ Barry thought and stabbed the marker across the entire board.

It flipped and crashed to the floor.

He screamed this time, _for real._

The sound in the air ripped through the music.

The superhero picked up Jay's helmet.

Pain fluttered around in his stomach like a hummingbird.

A bird that crawled its way into his heart.

 _Jay Garrick._

A man who made Barry start believing again.

His fingers moved lightly over the golden tipped wings.

A man who was his friend.

Tears blurred the pretty picture.

Barry slowly began to crouch.

 _Tears that blurred the memories._

He took the helmet with him.

He didn't want to believe Wells was The Man In Yellow.

He didn't want to believe in that kind of betrayal.

The floor was a long way down, Barry found it along with glass spreaded everywhere.

He didn't want to believe a man he considered to be his father his mom's killer.

Barry rested a foot above the ground, his arms wrapped around his sides, fingers barely holding onto the metal helmet.

He wanted to believe in the good and the bad.

The just and unjust society.

His wet eyelashes fluttered faster than he ever wanted to run.

He wanted Jay to be different.

 _After Wells_.

He couldn't trust the people closest to him.

The Singularity last year was just an excuse to push them away.

 _Barry ran._

He ran and hated Jay for making him trust them again.

He hated himself now for making that decision.

Barry stopped crying, his eyes staring at a shard of glass, his gaze wide and mesmerized.

 _He couldn't trust anyone._

Joe, Iris, Caitlin and Cisco were all he had left.

 _Anyone else was too close_.

Barry began rocking himself.

 _They were too close._

His mind focused in on 2014.

Wells knew he was a time traveler.

Probably knew in a matter _of seconds._

His eyes snapped shut, producing tears to fall.

And why would he not see Barry?

Barry wasn't the same 24 year old nerdy scientist who was never on time.

The same man who couldn't tell Iris he loved her.

The same hero who worshipped Dr. Wells.

Who constantly needed someone- _anyone_ to tell him what to do.

 _Tell him to get up and try._

That Barry still had a glimmer of hope, held fast to his faith in people.

This Barry could only see the knife in his back when he looked in the mirror.

Yes, those two Barry's were very different.

It was terrifying to finally hold them in comparison.

 _He was like Oliver._

He couldn't crumble under this kind of pressure, Barry exhaled, his lungs feeling shoved forwards.

 _There was only so much time before this life got to him._

The brunette fell from his crouched position, palm grasped firmly on the door way in STAR Labs.

Facing younger Barry made everything he ignored rise to the surface:

Wells was the Man In Yellow.

Eddie was dead.

Ronnie was dead.

Caitlin was gone.

Central City treated him like a hero.

People kept trying to kill him.

Zoom dragged him through the streets, his spine broken.

 _Jay_.

He had to trust Jay.

Barry had to hold onto everything light inside him.

It was saying the world was still the same.

That Jay was not Professor Zoom.

That heroes were still heroes and villains could be locked up in their cells.

 _Nothing was the same._

Jay was dead.

Jay was Zoom.

 **Jay was Zoom.**

 _ **Jay was Zoom.**_

Barry flew out of the lab in a whirlwind of electricity.

* * *

Everything flew by faster.

His wrists tore against the metal handcuffs.

He vibrated against them.

He stared up at Thawne without reacting, unflinching.

His gaze was wiser, darker and _dead certain._

Certain of every question and every doubt he ever had.

Certain of the man who stood before Barry now.

Barry answered his accusations with a wry grin.

He grinned seeing Eddie commit suicide.

Grinned hearing his own screams because Jay is Zoom.

He grinned at Dr. Wells... _Thawne's_ shocked expression.

It made the superhero want to giggle until he was light headed.

He grinned because he was different.

And Barry couldn't smile without it.

Without the terrors that followed.

Thawne studied him until he was ready to combust.

He wanted to kill him.

' **No.'**

His heart pounded angry fists into his rib cage.

' **No, I did not come all this way to be killed by Wells!'**

Barry let himself embrace the absolute calm racing around in dark corners.

It was an absolute calm that made him stare into Eobard Thawne's eyes and _lie_.

Lie so convincingly he almost believed it himself.

Barry felt no flutter of remorse or panic-he slipped into the role like a champion.

The grin he wore made his eyes glitter with insanity, he let this lie slip, "Come on Dr. Wells, it's me, Barry Allen."

This was an obvious slip.

Thawne knew it.

The Flash knew it.

After coming all this way, Barry just felt like playing with him.

"Go on, _kill me."_

The challenge was clear, tension was sharp.

Barry's grin grew wider after Thawne sat back down.

"Aww," his hand clattered the handcuff against the wheelchair behind him, "You can't can you?"

The other speedsters eyes were trained onto him.

Still, Barry didn't flinch.

"What time are you really from?"

He played innocent but Thawne continued, "The Barry I know doesn't act like _he belongs on a couch_. Now, whatever happens to this Barry six months from now changes everything but I suspect...you're a lot farther away from home than you're pretending to be."

 _ **Glass shattered around the helmet.**_

The hero jumped.

Barry shifted his aching back against the armrest.

He felt his spine burn and flare around scarred tissue.

He bit his lip from crying out and groaned softly instead, long legs shifting.

 _His home…_

They were all dead.

 _It was his fault_.

Zoom's black eyes stared at him on the other side of the glass.

His mom sobbed, hand grasping his, never letting go.

His heart felt frozen as he listened to her screams.

 _As he let her die._

"The Singularity...a lot people died...I need to stop it," Barry's voice fell silent.

He was afraid of silence.

Silence gave him too much time to think.

But he thought about it anyway.

Time going faster.

His muscles slower.

He remembered the chance he gave everyone.

The hope that it would all be different.

That Jay Garrick was telling the truth.

That the nightmares of Zoom torturing him on Earth-2 would go away.

That he wouldn't be trading one evil for another.

That one day he would smile and this time without contempt.

That one day he would trust a stranger.

That one day being The Flash would mean something more than this.

Right here.

 _Right now._

This is what Barry Allen became.

Everyone could see it.

Joe.

Iris.

Cisco.

 _Even Eobard Thawne._

Who just smirked, dark eyes glittering, "I certainly hope you can, Barry Allen."

And Barry looked back not recognizing himself at all.

 **Fin**.

* * *

 **Author Notes: This story is brought to you by FollowTheReaper01 and inspired by "Car Radio" Twenty One Pilots.**


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